Betty Pauley

Friends and family, we are heartbroken at the loss of our dear Mom, Betty Pauley, this past week. She was a towering force in our lives and I don’t know of any person I have admired more.

Her mother died in a car accident when Mom was seven years old, leaving five children under the age of eight. The rest of her childhood was one of poverty and abuse. She left home at fifteen and lived for a bit with a kind family who offered her sanctuary. She picked up loving foster parents and another beloved sister there. She went on to live independently as a young woman, marry our Dad, and have my sister and me. She chose every house they ever bought based on the school district. She eventually ran the business side of a medical school department at UofL and the associated physician practice.

Mom was a person of great faith, believing fervently that God answered her prayers that her siblings would grow up OK and not lose each other. My Dad was her greatest admirer and a soulmate that she lost to cancer when she was just 51. She never remarried, but went to Europe twice, joined us on every beach vacation she could, and went to Hawaii and the Caymans with my sister.

Mom was an avid reader, a fierce card player, and a wizard with wallpaper, including in the homes of her legion of close women friends. She made our birthdays and Christmas holidays magical -- perhaps determined to give us what she never had. The girl who grew up without a mother somehow figured out how to be the best one ever.

Mom only had one grandchild, my daughter Ellen, but Mom threw herself into that role. For years, she picked up Ellen after school once a week. They went on adventures including parks, playgrounds, tennis, bowling and, yes, at least one casino visit. When I once left the two of them in the grand bar at the Grove Park Inn while I made a business call, I came back to find them, Mom with her cocktail and Ellen with her Coke, grinning sheepishly. Mom explained that they were playing Go Fish when the manager of the hotel came over to explain that they had to stop, because it was “illegal to play cards in a drinking establishment in North Carolina.” I am so grateful that Mom lived long enough to see Ellen publish her debut novel this past summer, dedicated to grandmothers, including Mom.

Mom was in my sister’s elementary school classroom when she saw that the teacher had made one little girl wear a badge, pinned to her dress, that said “My parents didn’t join PTA.” Mom was in the principal’s office throwing an absolute fit within seconds. The PTA shaming at that school ended then and there. Mom understood what it was like to be vulnerable.

Twenty-five years ago when Mom’s dear friend told her that her daughter was expecting a baby and the other parent was another woman Mom paused only about a second before saying “well if there’s going to be a baby, we’re going to have a baby shower.” And she threw a grand one – 25 women and great merriment. Mom understood Found Family.

Mom was proceeded in death by her beloved husband of 27 years, Thomas V. Pauley, and her brothers Charles and Emmett Wickline (both of North Carolina). She is survived by her daughters Elizabeth Pauley (Louisville) and Lea Anne Pauley Goff (Goshen), her son-in-law John L. Goff, her granddaughter Ellen Pauley Goff and her partner Adam Leong (New York), her sister Helen Park (St. Louis), her brother Laurence (“Sonny”) Wickline (Vero Beach), and her sister Carol Childress (Louisville) who was also a much beloved caregiver to Mom. She was also survived by her nieces and nephews and dear friends, including the other members of St. John Lutheran Church in Louisville.

A year or so ago, Mom was gently complaining about the losses that accompany extreme old age. I told her that we will all experience some of those, unless we die young. She said “Well I guess I’m no longer at risk of that!” Godspeed. We will always love you.